No vote

I’d always been told it was better to vote for someone than to leave the fate of your democratic system in the hands of others. I believed that for years. There is a candidate for everyone and you should support them. But, not to get overly political as its not really in my nature, I’ve decided to decline. No vote is a way of voting too. 

Several days of minimal sleep

She yawned. It was one of those yawns that went down and lifted your arms, so deep it tilted your head and closed your eyes. If it wasn’t for the makeup you could have seen the dark circles under her eyes. This was the 9th day in a row she’d stayed up well past her normal bed time of 9:30 pm. Why? 

Why torture herself with staying up when she was already tired and why days of it. Life. There were people who wanted to talk and spend time, events to go to, things to see. She realized early that sleep, while wonderful, should be sacrificed in the face of experiences, love, life..the stuff of memories. You may remember a particularly splendid nap but not as much as the time spent with and for loved ones.

Under pressure

Rent, loan payment, job, lack of time off, empty fridge, heavy heart, light wallet, dental bills, doctor bills, OB bills, eye care bills, life insurance, health insurance, car insurance, car note, car repairs, gas, gas, electric, water, sewage, garbage, groceries, cleaning supplies, clothing, personal care crap, if your lucky tips, tabs, trips, tatts..this list is typical- it’s the standard normal and yet personal – the weight is personal. It’s like the sun, you don’t look at it directly all at once but mostly in small bits through lenses. Or worse- blinders. It’s alot. It presses down but never fades..and that’s just the money part.

Relationship

The thing I’ve noticed is that women are longer possessions, property or prizes and with that change they aren’t always as cared for. Instead women tend to be ridiculed and taken for granted. It’s hilarious when a man video tapes his girlfriend fighting with his mistress over him in the street. For whatever reason no one seems to blame Hine though the fault is clearly his. 

The saddest part is that all men aren’t this way and when a woman finds one who treats her well, caters to her, cares for her, and respects her she doesn’t trust his intentions. He must be up to something, guilty of something, conning her in someway. What a broken thing- saddest state of love and caring. 

Work-a-holic

“You should take a day off. It’s summer and you haven’t had any time for fun.” Miss Philly, Mary’s supervisor told her during her break.

Wet eyes

You should not be with someone who wets your eyes regularly with big heavy tears that sting and make your mascara run. This isn’t love. He should make you smile..make life feel slightly easier..make you happy to be alive and in his presence.

If  he’s right for you and with you he should make it very clear that your his one and only. He shouldn’t be ashamed to walk with you hand in hand with your head slightly on his shoulder down a crowded city street. He shouldn’t advertise to other women or flirt around them or make you feel at all worried about his motives.

So in fact he probably isn’t real- that elusive man who wets your crotch and not your eyes. Perhaps there isn’t such a creature because to be that wonderful would be unfair and constitute a person who isn’t in fact possible, perfect, flawless..maybe we settle for good enough because we ourselves are only ever good enough as well? Maybe..

The man who wets your eyes regularly though- no.he’s unworthy of your time, your flaws, your female power. He’s a fuck boy and fuck boys get left behind.

 

Overloaded

The substance of life was thick and heavy like a wool blanket that was embroidered with lead beads and also barbed wire. It felt slightly dangerous just to be breathing and no amount of explanation could make the watchers understand the plight of such morose living conditions. And there was nothing, no easy explanation as to where the feeling originated or why-what the possible cause could be or how to alleviate this pressure that threatened to squeeze the very life from an already troubled mortal.

Tattoo

I never thought I’d be a tattooed chick..there was a certain kind of rebel, rule breaking, tough Lady that went into a tattoo parlor and sat in the chair and let some burly dude poke her repeatedly with a needle and that chick was not me..that chick was un-me..anti-me. 

Then I found the image that made me different..the thing so important that Bullshit stereotypes, fear, and prejudice couldn’t stop me from wanting it in my skin. A permanent part that no one could take from me..

So I’m tatted and I will probably be again…somethings live inside your skin and sometimes you can decide to show them on it too.

Overnight

There had been many weekend overnights- a few days off sleep overs but this was the first night where they would sleep together and wake in the morning, get ready for work, and go. It was a step toward something real. A step toward building a life together instead of the constant visiting. It was little and seemingly silly but important and she left for work with a smile.

The long pause

I texted him and he texted me right back. Everything is going well, he must like me. I text him again and within 3 minutes he texts me back..a long message with a joke and emoticon. 

We’ve been talking like this for a few 20 minutes and then suddenly- nothing. 2 minutes pass; 5 minutes pass; 10 minutes…wtf!

He doesn’t like me anymore? Did I say something wrong? Did I offend? Maybe I was too available; maybe I was too aloof. 

Then the message comes-waves of relief.  This time I wait to text back..